I've long been puzzled by the term "ebb and flow" of the waves. When I first heard that term years ago, I was looking for something melodic or rhythmic, but waves mostly seem sporadic and unpredictable to me. Sure, they are reliable, you always know when they are coming (or that they are coming), but they aren't 'by the clock', they dance to their own rhythm as if they have their own drumbeat.
When I think about that it reminds me of life, in a way. We all seem to march to our own drumbeat. Each individual is as unique as the thumbprint God placed on our hearts and lives and thumbs. We start out in life rather disorderly and clumsy, but it seems that the older one gets, the more solidified the rhythm becomes. I am fifty now, the big five-oh! And at this point in my life, I realize that if I haven't grown up yet, there isn't much hope of doing any more of that. I do not see myself as fifty. I see myself as the awkward yet sturdy woman that I've become charging through the peaks and valleys of my life. For the first half of my life, I thought that I flew it solo. I did not become a Christian until the age of twenty five. Its amazing that I survived that long, but thankfully the Lord had a plan (and He is still working it out in me today)!
At fifty, I am more confident and comfortable in my own skin. I wasn't always like that. I recently had someone comment that they see me as a strong and confident woman. It really surprised me, as that is not how I see myself; strong, yes, but confident? no! But I guess I really am. I've been smacked around by life my fair share and remarkably it didn't make me calloused but drew me more to the Lord. The bumps and bruises and scars that I carry are all battle wounds that Jesus and I fought together.
And slowly over the years, I have been finding my rhythm. When we first moved to Kansas (my husband and I refer to it as our mission field), I was bored and unmotivated. Jobs for a woman who wasn't into agriculture were not easy to come by. I stumbled into a little yarn shop one day that offered to teach me to knit for free! Now I had tried knitting numerous years ago, or better to say, that my dear Grandmother had tried to teach me! But I was impatient and awkward and would knit stitches so tight that it became unbearable to continue. So I quit. But there was something inside me that was determined to learn this mysterious art of intertwining yarn. So I started to go for lessons. I can't tell you how many times I tried to knit, unraveled yarn, and tried again! It became such a scene that even my husband asked me if I was ever going to finish the dishcloth I was working on! But I knew that I had to get it right, I had to find my rhythm. My teacher (bless her soul) said sometimes undoing what we do helps us to learn, so I took that advice and kept knitting rows, unraveling them, and then knitting again. And Voila, I actually finished the dishcloth! It was a glorious moment in my life! I hung in there, I didn't quit, and wouldn't you know, I actually found my rhythm!
It's no different in the grand scheme of things, over time, we do find our rhythm! Granted no one else on this green earth hears our drummer, but us and the Lord! But hanging in there and not giving up really makes a difference and sooner or later you actually figure out who you are, what you were created for and why!
And I actually really enjoy knitting! It's something I especially like to do at the beach...
Thank you for sharing :)
ReplyDelete