So I've been experiencing shortness of breath and chest pain for quite some time; always excusing it as 'my asthma'... but after a visit to the dr this week, it may be something more serious. For the first time in my life I have high blood pressure and coincidentally (not) I am the heaviest I have ever been.
This year has been bumpy from the start. Losing my step-daughter to leukemia in February really took the wind out of our sails, to say the least. Plus the fact that I turned the big 5-0 in March.
Jessica was just 28. I have lived 22 more years than she did. And I selfishly want more. But there comes a realization in life that we do not control squat. The Lord has the controls. And He has a remarkable and gracious plan.
One of the last messages I got from Jessica has stuck with me... we knew she was going downhill fast and I had asked her if there was something she had always wanted to do (because, at the time, I was determined to make it happen, whatever it was). Here is her reply...
Learn to play the guitar,I went to a few music stores but they are so expensive! I really don't know, shoot, right now I'd like to just be able to wake up and make me breakfast without being winded and needing my oxygen,lol.I don't know,I have difficulty just doing daily stuff now,I just try to be content with the days I have. I just can't believe this cancer came back, it hurts my heart,I always thought I'd get married again and have a child, but that's not gonna happen. So there's really not anything else I wanted anyways.
Obviously Jessica had come to grips with the fact that God is in control. She had learned the secret of peace- being content... fully realizing that God's mission for her life was coming to an end. Sure she was disappointed, who wouldn't be, but she had moved to that special place of acceptance.
Who am I to argue with the God of the universe? Whether I live to a ripe old age or not, I must ask myself, am I living today as if it were my last? Do I have peace with God? Have I done all that God has for me to do?
I can't honestly say yes to my first question or my last, but as to whether or not I have peace with God, that is an absolute YES! Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, Romans 5:1
The peace of God that comes through knowing Jesus as my Lord and Savior is really all that matters. His forgiveness is what all are seeking, whether they realize it or not. For about half my life now, I have had that glorious peace. Sure, I question God at times, but even when I don't understand, I still trust Him!
So here I sit, knowing full well that my days are numbered by the Lord God, I can't add one or take one away. But at the same time, I realize that I can take better care of myself, in order to live each day to the fullest, and live for Him! His purpose for all human life is relationship with Him through accepting the redeeming sacrifice of Christ. Surely I can share that good news with someone today!
